Rocky Raccoon

The White Album is a classic. The Beatles are a phenomenal band with an extraordinary reputation. Most of their songs are written in lyrical form, but one song always stuck out as being kind of an "outcast", was the narrative Rocky Raccoon. The song has a variety of poetic devices used such as repetition, irony, paradox, and synecdoche. Rocky Raccoon is a ballad about a heart-broken fella who's "woman ran off with another guy". This "hit young rocky in the eye;" referring to the emotional impact this had on poor Rocky, this as an example of a synecdoche. There is also a repetition in reference to "Gideon's bible"; the book seems to have a demeaning affect on Rocky, as he finds it when he "checks into his room" before he's about to "shoot off the legs of his rival", and after "he falls back in his room," unable to overcome "Dan." Although there is debate if Gideon's bible is symbolism to the infamous John Lennon statement, "The Beatles are more popular than Jesus Christ." Never the less, Rocky being crippled from his attempts in overcoming his rival, a "doctor [comes] in stinking of gin;" this is an example of paradox and irony because it's quite contradicting to have an inebriated doctor making decisions on his health. The song has many more poetic devices rooted into it, and now Rocky's failed attempts swell and protrude similar to the song itself in the White Album. Tomorrow may rain poor Rocky, so you best be following the sun.

Now somewhere in the black mining hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn't like that
He said I'm gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon.

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy.
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy.
Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoedown
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot-he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner.

The doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said Rocky you met your match
And Rocky said, Doc it's only a scratch
And I'll be better I'll be better doc as soon as I am able.

Now Rocky Raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky's revival.

A Concerned Parent

123 Main Street

Penticton, British Columbia,

V2A 3W1

June 1, 2011

Mr. Kleats

Physical Education Teacher

120 Geen Avenue,

Penticton, British Columbia

V2A 3W1

Dear Mr. Kleats

My name is Al Caholic, and I am a concerned parent of one of an athlete on your basketball team, Myal. Myal has raised a few things to my attention that I feel should be addressed. I understand that the time commitment in being a coach is very significant, and time can be an issue. Stress levels can be raised immensely, especially when so much is expected of you. When things aren't going as planned, it's essential to make sure you maintain your composure; the kids look up to you, and I they learn from example. If there is one thing that I have learned from being a psychiatrist, it's that "if you want a message to get across to someone, do so tranquilly." You'll be amazed with the response you get.

Being a public school, the kids don't expect to win every game they play. They're there to have fun and to learn the sport; so please don't feel pressured to play the more adept children to raise likelihood of victory. I understand that there are a few kids, including my son, who aren't the most tenacious or sure-footed on the team. They aren't receiving an adequate amount of attention in order to progress to, one day, university level ball. Perhaps if you had an assistant coach to help you to structure a more rooted practice, the kids would feel more confident in games. If it is possible, I would like you to reconsider the playing time to each child though. It can be arduous to keep everyone happy on the team, but if you could attempt to make an effort, it would be appreciated by many.

I've always taught my son to practice punctuality, as a form of both respect, and responsibility. Please respect the children Mr. Kleats; I understand you're very busy, but maybe if you were to consider having an assistant coach, this issue would be dissolved. I would like to offer my time in being the assistant coach if there is no one able to fulfil the position. I have fairly fit arms and shoulders, so I'm sure i could toss a ball around for the kids and organize some drills before you arrive. This way, if you need to talk about something with a kid specifically, you can take them aside and discuss it privately, while I continue instructing the drills. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Al Caholic.

A Crippling Experience

Throughout the years, it has become obvious that graduation is the biggest accomplishment anyone could ever achieve. After 12 years of toiling over schoolwork, the moment of truth has arrived in achieving the unattainable. Overcoming the limitless requirements for impassable classes. Graduation requirements for grade 12 year: Passing English 12. English portrays itself with a simplistic nature, when in reality it's preposterous to expect students to pass with all the distractions in modern day society.

Requirements for class are irrevocably difficult to fulfil. Such as showing up to class, doing the endless amounts of homework; school is a ticking time bomb for failure. If you show up late your teacher cripples your self esteem by reminding you, PUBLICLY, to show up on time. Teachers say this even though they are fully aware of the social expectations of students to share events of past weekends, and plan for future ones. Avoiding being late is like avoiding failure in math principals. Homework every night? No thank you.

Classes are established failure. If a kid misses a day of class, how is he supposed to find out what he missed? Ask the teacher so he/she can acknowledge the fact that they were unexcused and absent from the previous class? No thank you. Homework concentrates like a whirlpool all funneling into the same day, graduation.

English twelve might be the only requirement for your grade 12 year, which SOUNDS easy, (to the untrained ear). Having only 3 options for passing this course is not enough! The three options consisting of: home learners, taking the course online, or taking English in school. Having such few options really makes it hard for kids to get the resources needed to achieve a passing grade. Princess Margaret's two English teachers are only here an hour before school every day! This makes it very difficult to coordinate an appropriate time to arrange such things as: rewriting assignments, getting missing work, or making up for missed classes. Kids finish their grad year shocked to find out that they're missing English twelve! No graduation for you, my dear friend. Perhaps 2 spares, 2 art blocks, and 2 peer tutor blocks weren't the most logical choice after all.

Another thing that makes passing classes very difficult to achieve, is all of the distractions in modern day society. How are kids supposed to focus on what the teacher is saying with the knowledge that some pretty lady or handsome boy is talking to them in their pocket, whether it be over facebook. texting, or BBM. I question a teachers common sense with their constant reminder of putting your phone away while they're muttering "where is your 'head' at?"

To sum up the school system's expectations, they are completely outrageous. Kids are so accustomed to having a phone in their hands, it's an aberration from the norm to disallow them. Expectations should be reaccessed and evaluated to take all these points into consideration. Maybe having a text based lesson would be more appropriate for this day in age. That is the truth about the school systems expectations, I'll "ttyl tho, pc out."

The Glimmer of Hope

"You're ganna be gettin' outta here pretty soon, hey?" Andy stated while leaning on the prison walls as Red approached him.
"Yeah, well I still have a few years to serve, but I guess you could say that." Red sits down beside Andy and looks off in the distance.
"Have you ever worried how you will manage to get by once you're released?"
"Of course I have, you'd be an idiot not to." Red looks over at Andy puzzled. "Why would you be asking me something like that?" Knowing there was an implication to the question.
"Well hypothetically speaking, if I was to get out of here before you.." Andy hesitated and was pondering a thought.
Red anxiously exclaims, "Well go on! What are you getting at?"
"Do you know that old country side road down by the windmill?"
"Yeah! I'm familiar with it actually."
"Good, well; if I was to get out of here before you. I want you to go down that road and turn left right after that windmill and follow the fence line through the fields."
"Okay, any reason for this"
Andy continues and ignores the question, "There's a big old oak tree that streches right over that fence line. I want you to go to that tree. Can you do that for me?"
"Well sure, but I don't see how this could.."
Lost in his thoughts Andy interupts, "Good, I want you to go to the fence lined up with the tree, you'll see a rock there. It doesn't look like any rock you've seen before. It's volcanic." Red's anxiety was increasing immensely as Andy continued, "There will be a box underneath that rock for you. I want you to do that for me. Can you promise me that?"
"I can do that." Red doesn't ask any further questions knowing that if Andy wanted him to know anything further about it, he would of stated so. The two men sit there silently pondering their own thoughts looking off into the courtyard. Each of them with a slight smirk on their faces, knowing that the light is truly brighter at the other end of the tunnel.

Bringing Down the Boost

Princess Margaret Secondary school located in Penticton, BC, seems like the perfect learning atmosphere for an interacial society. Kids having marvelous relationships with one another, as well as with their teachers. Some might say it seems like a utopian society built among these students. That is, if you've merely sauntered through.

A rising concern for parents in Penticton is constantly resurfacing, and some are saying it's a pandemic, spreading more vigorously than hungry ants encroaching upon an innocent picnic. From weeks of observation of Penticton's Princess Margaret Secondary School, it has become clear that it's a place of stress and turmoil for most. It's evident that many kids are victims of the new aged, "Boost Bullying". There have been numerous cases of kids committing suicide saying "[they] thought [they were] king of the world." Other's attest that "death can't overcome [them]." The cause of this, over complimenting until reaching a point of divinity.

Parents and staff of the school are vigilant of Boost Bullying, and are struggling to resolve the issue. They're aware that "kids just can't feel good about themselves anymore. Soon enough, we'll have to enlarge the door frames to enable their enlarged heads to fit through." Said the principal, Don MacIntyre, after yet another case of, "challenging death". Staff at Maggie are always in the process of gathering kids for the "You Can't Be the Change Even if You Wanted To" workshop. The objective in the workshop is make sure kids know they are all abused, then they state why they are using slogans like "you're scum, you look like my bum." Kids in the school are said to have nominated the kids for this workshop, even though none recall doing so! First they took the grads, knowing that if their confidence was brought down enough, it would reflect on the junior students who idol the grad class for the first time in years. "Grad 2011 is truly despicable", says Vice Principal Trevor Robinson, "Junior students take their words for religion." The workshops are a great success. Kids cry their hearts out during each excersise, but the vigilators make sure they prevent them from continuing becuase "crying is for the weak, you'll never reach the peak."

Since the crack down on Boost Bullying has been going in full tilt, (as of fall 2010), the schools suicide rate has decreased by more than 21.37%. That is a number that isn't divisable by many, as I'm sure you've noticed. The number of suicides is outstandingly disgusting. I'd rather not state the actual number to avoid a riot from occuring, and potentially causing a civil war. So lets just leave it at that. The decreasing rate is giving hope to the faculty and student body of PMSS however. The rate is decreasing so steadily that it's estimated that a level of stability will be achieved come spring of 2011. Now parents can sleep peacefully knowing that their children aren't smothered with confidence.

The One

In a nut shell, I am amazing. To express all my accomplishments would be daft, considering everything I engage myself in could be considered an accomplishment. Proclaiming them would take an eternity, and in doing so, I'd prevent myself from enacting more in my life time. Take this application to your school, known as Yale, for example. I wouldn't of completed it, unless I knew it was completely necessary to give you fair warning that I'm headed your way. It may take a bit of preparation, on your part, to acquaint my presence for the duration that I desire. Although I see post secondary as being futile for myself, it's necessary to make my resume predominant over all others.

I am a prodigy. Critics catechize whether I am a mortal. "If there was a word that could add emphasis to 'brutally prodigious'; that would define Nick Chapman," proclaimed one perplexed journalist after witnessing me annihilate a great white shark with my bare hands. I'm not one to boast, but I am the one. The one who ended WWII. The one who helped my good friend, formally known as Jack the Ripper, go undetected. The one who gets up at 7am every week day. The one who wrote the bible. Humanity questions whether I am God. I beg you, do not worship, but embrace me. I am the future. Now, the future of the future is in your hands. Embrace me from the high heavens. Seize what is rightfully yours, and let this plane land on your domain. I will be seeing you, come this fall.

Yours Truly,

The One,

Nick Chapman

Fearless, Prospers

There have always been tentative feelings towards the big moment. One girl exclaimed, "It was the most depressing experience," after she went through hers. Others claim it was the best time of their lives. It's safe to say that graduation is an emotional time for all. Whether it be full of youthful elation, or self-loathing confusion. Graduation is emotional.


Throughout the year, a question continuously presents itself, haunting every grad student: "What are you doing after graduation?" The most common answer is "I don't know," in fear of choosing the wrong topic to study, or job to pursue. Truth be told, so many people go through multiple career changes throughout their lives, so it's common for someone to just start over. Having the same job for 30 or 40 years could turn you into a drone, unless you truly chose your passion. This relates to why people travel. You go to a new country with new people, prices, activities, and living conditions, looking for a new experience. If you can manage to learn from your experiences, no matter how emotional they are, it's tough to decifer the bad in it.